Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
