worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
