Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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