Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
