Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
