My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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