if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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