We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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