I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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