Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
