When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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