Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They took my balls.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
