I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
