I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
