I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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