i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
