lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
