Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
