I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
