He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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