Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
