: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
im on a boat
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