well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize