remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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