mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
