the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
