I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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