I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
