Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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