I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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