party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
