1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
