Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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