Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
