Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
