The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
