my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
