my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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