Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
