The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
