I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
