My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
