I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
