This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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