gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
