I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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