I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
