peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
