Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
