I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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