I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
