The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
