Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
