apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
