Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
