is your mom at the bar?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
