Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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