So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
