doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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